I hope this blog will make things better between the both of us. Maybe it can be somewhere which I can voice out my thoughts and my feelings because you never seem to be interested with how upset I am. Besides, you think that I'm making a fuss out of everything.

Sometimes, I just wish to sit down, talk and share my feelings with you. At least, you can try to give me an explanation and maybe convince me that my thoughts are wrong. But, even if I try to speak to you nicely about my unhappiness, you'd always get agitated and we'd start quarreling because I'd feel that I was just sharing my thoughts, yet, you don't try to understand and make it worst. 

I love you. That's why it hurts me so much when you don't seem to bother about my feelings. When I'm depress and don't give you any call, or when I don't text you, you wouldn't try to call me or text me to see if I'm doing well. Sometimes, I was just waiting for you to give me a call. Waiting for you to make the first move. But, no matter how long I wait, how upset I get, how much I cry alone at home, you never give me a call. Am I asking a lot from you? I asked myself, I asked my friends. But none said I was getting overboard. Yet, they too feel that you don't treasure me. I guess they are right, because I feel that way too.

Sometimes, I wish to talk to you so much that I don't mind waiting for you till late in the night. I look out of my block and all the lights are off. But, when you finally do call, you'd tell me how tired you are and that you want to turn in. Don't I feel tired too? Have you ever spare a thought for me? I guess you haven't. If not, you wouldn't be treating me this way for the past 2 years. 

Sometimes, I want to meet you so badly, hoping that you'd tell me that you wish to see me too, that you're free to meet me. Sometimes, I hope you'd just surprise me by coming to my block although I know very well that it'd never happen. I know you have a hectic schedule. But I'd always try to make time for you. Haven't you sensed it? Then why do you always have to wait for me to probe you on the time and day which we will me meeting? I'm tired. Do you know that?

Recently, I've been very upset for many reasons. Some may be rather small. But others I feel that it's quite an issue to me. 

First, it's probably the smoking issue. I've always hoped that you'd quit smoking because I'm worried for your health. I guess I'm really in love with you very much deeply. If not, why would I be worrying about your health? 

Second, you lied to me that you've stopped smoking. I really trusted you wholeheartedly. When any of my friends tried to doubt you, I'd always go all out to defend you. Yet, all of them knew the truth, all of them knew that you were still smoking, except me. It happened not once, not twice, but many times. I'm hurt, really broken. You've shattered my heart, but you promised you'd mend my heart when we started dating after knowing how much hurt I had suffered in the past. I'd rather you tell me the truth, though it'd still hurt, but never as much as how much my heart feels right now. 

Third, whenever we're out with my friends, you'd always push me away. It makes me feel that you're embarrassed of me, that you don't want to spend time with me, or that you'd rather chat with others than me. But did you know that all my friends know how hardly we spend time with each other and how much I just want to have your attention. Yet, this didn't happen just once. It happened every single time we hang out with my friends, during the chalet, at clubs, etc. I very much hope that it'd turn out fine. But these outings never fails to upset me.

Forth, why do you have to ask my girlfriends' handphone number? Are you interested in them? Do you want to ask them out without my knowledge? Can't you just respect me a little? I mind when you ask for their numbers. Maybe because I don't really trust you anymore since you've misused all my trust. 

Fifth, you always forget about me. You'd often make me wait for you and yet you just totally forget about calling me. You'd just forget that I'm waiting for you. And if I get upset, you wouldn't even explain to me. The worst thing is, it didn't happen just once, it happens time and time again. You never make an effort to change. I've put in so much effort in our relationship, and all I ask for is that you'd put some effort in it too because it's really tiring for me to keep working on this relationship but you'd never care. 

Sometimes I feel that it's time to let go. But I love you so much. I'm confused. I'm really tired. If you treasure me, please do something. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. I don't feel that you care about me anymore, neither do I feel that you'd sacrifice anything for our relationship nor will you make me feel that I'm the happiest girl. I'm tired. I'm very very tired. So please, I'm begging you, please carry this effort of holding on to our relationship because right now it's very heavy and I've got no more strength to go on.